end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
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