Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
