My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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