Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
