Moan for me like Helen Keller
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
