Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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