what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
