oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
