when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
