tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
