Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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