Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
