Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
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