and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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