i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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