I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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