i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize