That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
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