She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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