im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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