i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Randomize
