im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
