can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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