I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
