found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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