Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
