She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
