So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
When are your genitals available?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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