She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
