I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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