Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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