My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
