I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
