I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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