I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
