Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
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