the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
