I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
