Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
