Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
