I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
