It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
