well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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