Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
