Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
