I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
