thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
