Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
