Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize