You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
