I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
