you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
