I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
