i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Randomize
