Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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