im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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