He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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