People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
