I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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