Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
