Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
