I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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