none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
