if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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