Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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