my phone needs a breathalizer
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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