do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
