That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
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