I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize