Well douche your snatch and let's go!
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
