OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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