my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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