Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
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