i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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