You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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