it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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