I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
vagina is talking i cant
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
