can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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